some one help me

so for a years now i have allways felt like i shudnt be here people good peoplei know have died that havent done one thing wrong in life and then theres me here thats been to jail been arrested for most things accept rape/nonceing/murder i use to smoke alot of canabis but have now stopped but still feel as if i shouldnt be here i have atemped suicide many of times but dont have the guts to go the full way i have never reali spoke to any one about how i feel and if i have i lied my way out off it iam a 25 year old male seeking some 1 to help and chat to thank u all for your time in reading my post much apprechiated