Not exactly what I would've picked to do last night... (Possible trigger/sexual)
Not exactly what I would've picked to do last night... (Possible trigger/sexual)
SoraReo Thu Dec 18, 2014 6:24 pm
Hey guys,
So it's been quite a while since I been here, and I feel bad for not visiting more often without all my problems along with me, but I once again am looking for some advice and this has always been a safe place for me to find support.
This thread isn't exactly about suicide.. I will admit that what happened made me want to SH, but I'd like to think that I'm past the suicidal part of my life.
Anyway, so I have a story about last night that I'd like to tell, and then hopefully I can get some questions answered that are really bothering me..
My Significant Other and I are out in Arizona for a week and a half on vacation. We're staying with my SO's good friend and his SO. We've been having a great time out here, but last night took a little turn for the worse. My SO really wanted me to meet his ex-boyfriend who lives a couple blocks away from where we are staying right now. I didn't really like the idea, but as long as I was with him, I didn't mind tagging a long. We went to his ex-boyfriend's (We'll call him Craig) apartment at around 9pm, after a long day sight seeing/etc. I met Craig, his two roommates, and his two cute little newborn kittens. We were all having a great time, and Craig decided to go make a beer run for the group. Craig, one of his roommates, my SO, and I all sat out in the living room talk about cars, and work, and who knows what else. As it got later, Craig's roommate went to bed and Craig invited us into his room because he said he smokes in his room and we wouldn't have to walk outside every other minute to go smoke.
The three of us were sitting on his bed, talking, at one point his neighbor came by the window and we all were talking to her. It was a little past midnight and I started getting very tired. I let my SO know, and laid down but continued talking to him and Craig. Craig went and put on a movie, and we all started watching it. I fell asleep a little ways into the movie and they both finished the movie without me.
It gets a little hazy here since I was asleep and missed out on some of the details. Apparently the movie ended at around 3am. My SO and Craig went out back to smoke a cigarette, and then as they were coming in my SO went to use the bathroom. He was in the bathroom for a little over 5 minutes, while Craig was in his room with me, fast asleep..
I remember being fast asleep, almost out cold. I felt like I was waking up very slowly. I remember waking up enough to kind of get what was going on. I felt someone touching me. I felt their hand down my pants rubbing my male lower area. I thought it felt good and assumed that it was my SO. They performed oral sex on me for a few seconds and I woke up some more. They continued to keep their hand down my pants masturbating me. I was still very much half asleep, but I knew what was going on at this point. I heard them say "you're so hot" and realized what was going on. The voice that was talking to me definitely wasn't my SO's. I realized that Craig was umm molesting me? I started waking up more and was wondering where my SO was and why he'd let Craig do that to me. I pretended to be fast asleep and rolled onto my stomach. He told me to roll over and turned me around. He continued doing what he was doing, until I heard the door. He pushed away from me and left me in the middle of the bed covered with a blanket. My SO sat down next to me on the bed and I felt him zip up my pants and tighten my belt. He shook me a few times and told me that we had to go because his friend that we were staying with was yelling at him to get us back ASAP.
Although I was very tired after what had happened I wasn't about to fall back asleep. I pretended to be half asleep and followed my SO out to the apartment door. I didn't want to talk to Craig or even look at him. I assumed that because my SO zipped up my pants, that he knew what was going on and was letting it happen. Not that that would ever happen while I'm asleep, but I was out of it and trying to make sense of what was going on. Craig said goodbye to us while I pretended to have trouble walking out the door. He gave my SO a hug, and then did the same to me while I just pretended I was about to pass out again. I waited until we got into the car and was ready to flip out at my SO. As we started driving off, I asked him why he let Craig do what he did and why Craig was all over me. His eyes widened and he questioned me as to what happened.
I explained to him what had happened and why I was pissed at him. He told me that he went to the bathroom, and when he came back how he noticed that I was under the blanket and that my zipper was down. He figured that I would've told him when he woke me up if anything had happened. He told me that he was furious and said "Baby, I might be going to jail tonight". I told him not to turn around, to keep driving. He got really upset and kept asking me if I wanted him to go back and beat him up. I told him not to, that I just wanted to go back to his friends and go to sleep. We talked about it on the way back and both cried a little about what had just happened. I was still at the point that I wasn't about to believe what had just happened.
We got back and I went straight to the bathroom to shower and wash myself where he had touched me. My SO asked me if Craig had kissed me, I told me that I didn't remember. He asked if Craig had had sex with me. I told him that I also didn't remember, but that I was pretty sure I'd remember if that had happened, because it definitely would have woken me up. My SO finally fell asleep, and after awhile I did as well. Although I had showered I felt really dirty and couldn't get Craigs voice out of my head.
It's the next day, and I'm not quite sure what to do.. I don't know if what he did was rape or sexual assault or what.. I'm not quite sure if I could get an STD from him performing oral sex. I'm not sure how to handle what happened.. My SO is still asleep. I don't want to leave my room and run into my SO's friend's. I know I can't look all cheery and happy, and don't know how to go about explaining to them what happened. I never thought something like this would happen. Let alone with my SO's Ex-boyfriend. 1900 miles from home.
Any advice would be really appreciated. Sorry about the post being so long.
Thanks guys, Reo
So it's been quite a while since I been here, and I feel bad for not visiting more often without all my problems along with me, but I once again am looking for some advice and this has always been a safe place for me to find support.
This thread isn't exactly about suicide.. I will admit that what happened made me want to SH, but I'd like to think that I'm past the suicidal part of my life.
Anyway, so I have a story about last night that I'd like to tell, and then hopefully I can get some questions answered that are really bothering me..
My Significant Other and I are out in Arizona for a week and a half on vacation. We're staying with my SO's good friend and his SO. We've been having a great time out here, but last night took a little turn for the worse. My SO really wanted me to meet his ex-boyfriend who lives a couple blocks away from where we are staying right now. I didn't really like the idea, but as long as I was with him, I didn't mind tagging a long. We went to his ex-boyfriend's (We'll call him Craig) apartment at around 9pm, after a long day sight seeing/etc. I met Craig, his two roommates, and his two cute little newborn kittens. We were all having a great time, and Craig decided to go make a beer run for the group. Craig, one of his roommates, my SO, and I all sat out in the living room talk about cars, and work, and who knows what else. As it got later, Craig's roommate went to bed and Craig invited us into his room because he said he smokes in his room and we wouldn't have to walk outside every other minute to go smoke.
The three of us were sitting on his bed, talking, at one point his neighbor came by the window and we all were talking to her. It was a little past midnight and I started getting very tired. I let my SO know, and laid down but continued talking to him and Craig. Craig went and put on a movie, and we all started watching it. I fell asleep a little ways into the movie and they both finished the movie without me.
It gets a little hazy here since I was asleep and missed out on some of the details. Apparently the movie ended at around 3am. My SO and Craig went out back to smoke a cigarette, and then as they were coming in my SO went to use the bathroom. He was in the bathroom for a little over 5 minutes, while Craig was in his room with me, fast asleep..
I remember being fast asleep, almost out cold. I felt like I was waking up very slowly. I remember waking up enough to kind of get what was going on. I felt someone touching me. I felt their hand down my pants rubbing my male lower area. I thought it felt good and assumed that it was my SO. They performed oral sex on me for a few seconds and I woke up some more. They continued to keep their hand down my pants masturbating me. I was still very much half asleep, but I knew what was going on at this point. I heard them say "you're so hot" and realized what was going on. The voice that was talking to me definitely wasn't my SO's. I realized that Craig was umm molesting me? I started waking up more and was wondering where my SO was and why he'd let Craig do that to me. I pretended to be fast asleep and rolled onto my stomach. He told me to roll over and turned me around. He continued doing what he was doing, until I heard the door. He pushed away from me and left me in the middle of the bed covered with a blanket. My SO sat down next to me on the bed and I felt him zip up my pants and tighten my belt. He shook me a few times and told me that we had to go because his friend that we were staying with was yelling at him to get us back ASAP.
Although I was very tired after what had happened I wasn't about to fall back asleep. I pretended to be half asleep and followed my SO out to the apartment door. I didn't want to talk to Craig or even look at him. I assumed that because my SO zipped up my pants, that he knew what was going on and was letting it happen. Not that that would ever happen while I'm asleep, but I was out of it and trying to make sense of what was going on. Craig said goodbye to us while I pretended to have trouble walking out the door. He gave my SO a hug, and then did the same to me while I just pretended I was about to pass out again. I waited until we got into the car and was ready to flip out at my SO. As we started driving off, I asked him why he let Craig do what he did and why Craig was all over me. His eyes widened and he questioned me as to what happened.
I explained to him what had happened and why I was pissed at him. He told me that he went to the bathroom, and when he came back how he noticed that I was under the blanket and that my zipper was down. He figured that I would've told him when he woke me up if anything had happened. He told me that he was furious and said "Baby, I might be going to jail tonight". I told him not to turn around, to keep driving. He got really upset and kept asking me if I wanted him to go back and beat him up. I told him not to, that I just wanted to go back to his friends and go to sleep. We talked about it on the way back and both cried a little about what had just happened. I was still at the point that I wasn't about to believe what had just happened.
We got back and I went straight to the bathroom to shower and wash myself where he had touched me. My SO asked me if Craig had kissed me, I told me that I didn't remember. He asked if Craig had had sex with me. I told him that I also didn't remember, but that I was pretty sure I'd remember if that had happened, because it definitely would have woken me up. My SO finally fell asleep, and after awhile I did as well. Although I had showered I felt really dirty and couldn't get Craigs voice out of my head.
It's the next day, and I'm not quite sure what to do.. I don't know if what he did was rape or sexual assault or what.. I'm not quite sure if I could get an STD from him performing oral sex. I'm not sure how to handle what happened.. My SO is still asleep. I don't want to leave my room and run into my SO's friend's. I know I can't look all cheery and happy, and don't know how to go about explaining to them what happened. I never thought something like this would happen. Let alone with my SO's Ex-boyfriend. 1900 miles from home.
Any advice would be really appreciated. Sorry about the post being so long.
Thanks guys, Reo
SoraReo- Guest
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