14 years of bullying

im new here my name is ricky in 22 m from england iv been bullyed most of my life and i still get bullyed now.

It all started when i moved to gravesend in kent and started school in a nearby town called cobham.The kids there used to pick on me becuase im big.The bullys used to take me behind the buildings at school where no one could see and beat me they said if i told anyone that they would kill me so i kept it to myself and i used to get beating after beating untill one day i went home with a book foot mark across my back and then my parents started asking me questions and thats when they found out i was being bullied "i was about 8 at the time"

They took me out of that school and moved me to mepham school where the bullying continued.It got so bad at mepham that i used to have to get in to trouble with the teachers so i could remain standing outside the headmasters office at break times becuase i knew i would be safe there and no one could hurt me.

one day during class on of the bullys got me as i was going in to the toilet and i couldnt take it anymore so i turned on the bully and hurt him for that i got suspended from school and all my school records went missing.

the next school i went to the bullying continued and i had to start from scratch with my school work as no one knew how far i had gotten in my grade as all my school records where missing.

from the age of 13 things got worse i was bullied at school and outside of school.

One of the youthes where i lived turned everyone against me even my friends and my girlfriend all becuase i wouldnt steal things for him and i wouldnt set things on fire for him "becuase of this he made my life hell".

i got shot in the back with a air rifel i got a shotgun pointed at my head i had to call the police around so many times that im sure they where sick of me.i got chased with a knife i got my bike tires slashed and even ever i went out the kids would either through stuff at me or abuse me verbaly.

it got to the point where i wasnt even allowed out in my front garden because my parents wouldnt let me out becuase every time i went out i got bullyed.

at the age of 14 i went to a small school with a class of 4 people and i got bullied there by 2 of the kids.One of them pushed me so far that when it was school coming out time i grabbed the kid infront of all the parents and i got him in a head lock and kep punching him becuse i didnt know what else do to i was so angry and no matter what i did he wouldnt leave me alone.

i got suspended for 3 days for beating him.I complaind to the teachers every time he bullied me and they didnt give a dam.

When i returned to school after the 3 day suspention i had a big bruze on my arm from a bike accident i had and the bully told the teachers that my dad had been beating me and then i had the authrities comeing to visit me at school asking me questions like "is eveything ok at home and are my parents hurting me" and while this was going on the bully and his friends where outside the window laughing at me.

the last school i was to go to i got bullied there too in school and on the way to school in the taxi. my scariest memory from there was the time this bully called paul winded me and i fell to the ground and i couldnt breath and i was scared out of my mind becuase i couldnt breath i thought i was going to die.

after that my dad took me out of school and threatened to sue the school board so i missed 2 years fo my education i got no quilifications ,my seal esteam is at its all time low ,i suffer from anxiety ,depression and panic attacks.

i still get bulied even now im out of school by this 16 year old called matt.
he keeps threatening to kill me ,he and his friends sohout out abuse whenever they see me.The other day i went in to sainsburys to get some food for lunch and they took my bike and dumped it in the middle of the road.

iv tried getting help for depression etc but i keep getting pushed from one place to the next with no help at all.

the doctors have me down as a specilist patient what ever that means.
iv had the mental health team visit me to try and help me ,the doctors,
even the job centre tried to help me becuase i have no qualifications
but they cant.

I cant even work becuase every time iv tried i end up having a anxiety attack or a panic attack.

I cant go to places that im not familiar with becuase of my anxiety ,panic attacks.

the people from the mental health team said they couldnt belive that i didnt get any help at school.

i just wish i could get some help and be happy instead of feeling down and suicidal all the time.