I hate who I am

Why am I so ungrateful to people who treat me the best? Why am I mean to my boyfriend who gives me the world. I seclude myself and don't see or talk to friends for weeks and weeks. Im a unhappy ungrateful bitch and I dont deserve to be loved. I want to be a better person and control my alcohol problem but its so fucking hard and I feel like im losing everyone including myself. I didnt know it was possible to feel so lost and empty.

Hi there,
Do you hate who you are because you're hurting who loves you?
I think the reason of your behaviour is your inside anger! Why are you angry?
Of course is hard to stop drinkin. You need two things:
1) figure out why you had to start drinking
2) have a reason very strong to stopi it!

Try to get me some answers about these three points (there is also that one about anger).

Stay calm =)