my dad abused me

My dad abused me when I was younger. the only reason why he doesn't now, is because he lives across the country. He would get drunk, and rape my sister, then he would hit me. He hit me with chairs, cast-iron skillets, broom handles, pots and pans, or anyting that he could find. He tried to hit my brother (who is 5 years younger), but I always stepped between them. me and my older sister (about 4 years older) never let my brother see or hear anything that happened. one time, my dad tried to hit my brother with a chair, and I stepped between them. The chair broke over my back, I was 10 or 11. I still have scars, mentally and physically from it. I looked up to my dad, and although i regret it, I still do. When he wasn't drunk, or extremely pissed, he was the best father a girl could wish for.

I'm still young. And, I had to be an adult when i was 5. I never really got a childhood and i was scared all the time. I remember going to school (when I was slightly older) and burying myself in my books, so that I wouldn't have to think. And then, purposely missing the bus, so that I wouldn't have to deal with the hell i called home, for at least a little while. I still freak out when i hear people yelling, or see someone raise a hand to their child. It scares the sh*t outta me. And I hate it. I hate that i let my dad affect me this much, ya know?

well, honestly, I wish that I had been the only child. Because, I hate that my brother was there. And I recently found out that he remembered some of the stuff that happened, and it broke my heart. Because, i spent YEARS protecting him from it, and he remebered that I stepped between him and a chair (it would have hit him over the head (but hit me on the back) It hurt that he remembered. It really hurt.