My story______

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Post  fallingawayfromME on Thu Dec 18, 2014 7:07 pm

I dont know if this in the right forum or not. If not its ok to move it. I just want to share my story in hopes that anyone who has gone through what I have will find inspiration. I was born in 1970 to a mother who was already depressed. Coming into the world I had the cards stacked against me but it happens. The first memories of my life were when I was 4 and my grandfathers ex wife (who is deceased now) pushed me down a flight of stairs. She also locked me in refrigerator as I screamed for help. My grandfather (who was an alcoholic at the time) didnt hear me. My cousin heard me screaming and let me out. Why the police werent called I have no idea. She also threw lit matches at me. How I can even function today is a mystery to me. When I turned 5 my mother and I moved in with a caretaker or so I thought. I now know the only reason she took us in was because she received money for us being with her. I thought that it would get better. It got worse. I was beaten to within an inch of my life when I was 6 and my mother (who was hospitalized at the time) was not there. When I turned 7 my life changed in a way that I will never forget. Im not going to say exactly what happened but just know that my innocence was taken from me. I now spend my days trying all I can to just find peace. I know Im no different from anyone else. Its happened to the best and the worst of us. Some people are strong enough to move on and have a normal life. I thought I was one them. I was married. I have two beautiful children who I love more than anything in this world, but it seems every day I am trying hard to get my innocence back. How Im still alive today I dont know. In have tried numerous times (including tonight) to end it but somehow my body just keeps pushing on. Just know this. I am a survivor. There are so many incidents of abuse that happened to me it would take me 5 lifetimes to tell it. I dont know who this will touch but I hope whoever reads this knows that if you are going through this its not your fault. It took me a long time to realize that. I live my life one day at a time. I thought tonight was my time to go and I was ready but somehow I guess I have hope that I will move on. Life is an uphill battle. Heres a quote I came up with tonight so go ahead and take it. "Life is narcissistic. It only cares for itself".


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