maybe im not normal...

not sure if this is where i should put it, but i think it relates to this topic mostly.. let me know if not


so a fair bit ago i moved back in with my mother and err some people who have hurt me in the past.. well i met up with my councellor today... it was insanely bad... well, we started talking and well living with people who have hurt me, AAAARRRRGGGH! she told me she wanted me to leave, far far away... like 2 hours away from i am now, she said to go there and she can see about getting me a small place there to hide out and to make a police statement.. tell them everything...i started freaking out and trying to do whatever to get stuff not reported again from her, told her I think it was a good idea to stay where i am now and it isnt too bad and i can suck it up.. well yeah.. she said "hows sucking it up going for you now --my name--. i think your f**ken bloody irrational and you can quote me on that. f**ken bloody irrational, if you dont leave things arent going to change --my name-- "
ARRRRGGGH!!!! i cant run away again, i just cant.. and theres no way i can go to the police.. i just.. i cant :'( I cant..

i wish people could understand where i am comming from, but it feels like people just expect me to react completely differently to what i am....i dont know.. am i supposed to be running off to the police the second something happens?.. i dunno, is there an expected reaction to abuse?.. i dunno.. i feel like i cant be a normal functioning person, i cant be a survivor and now i cant even be a victim because im reacting in an unexpected manner??? because i dont want to tell the police and because i feel i cant leave.. is it strange to act in this manner....