it isn't suicide if its a natural cause.

my thoughts keep pulling me down with them. i have started getting upset over maybe minor things. i'm tired. my mom saw me cry today and i can't even tell her what's bothering me. i don't know if my family loves me anymore because sometimes my dad is abusive but then he's really nice. i want to tell my mom i was sexually abused but she'll cry and then i'll have to comfort her instead of her me. will this ever end? i don't even feel like speaking to my counselor because i don't want him to hate me and maybe he can't even do anything. i'm not suicidal but i wonder if this is what you're supposed to do if nobody likes the real you because you're too damaged? my parents will hate me if they find out i'm so messed up. they don't even know me. i don't know myself either anymore. i want to scream but nobody will hear me. i feel like maybe if i just sit here i'll die and have peace.

sorry if this is triggering or whatever. you can delete it.

Dont lie next to me and say you love me and not have a clue whats going on with me. Dont say you'll be there and then just leave for some trashy wh*** who's being passed around like some dirty ass b****. And don't f lie to me because I know you too well and I know all you ever wanted was.

So I told this guy that I was sexually abused and he's like I feel really bad for you and he was all sad and stuff and we were kind of a thing. But then he hooked up with my roommate :/