New here - for a specific reason

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New here - for a specific reason

Post  jtts on Thu Dec 18, 2014 3:37 pm

Hi,

I was in hospital last weekend because I tried to kill myself. This was the second time I tried, the first time being almost a year to the day ago. This time, after the fact that the doctors in the hospital helped me and everything, I decided I would go to the doctor and try to get some help.

I went and he prescribed me prozac, and this week I have also been seeing various mental health nurses and such. I have another appointment on Friday and no doubt they will ask me, "How are you? Are you having any thoughts of harming yourself?"

The truthful answer to that is, and has been all week despite what I've told them, yes. I have a plan, and currently I intend to go through with that plan this weekend. But I'm sure I won't tell them that.

I can hardly even pinpoint a reason for why I feel like this. There are factors, I'm homeless, jobless, broke and in heavy debt. Most of my friends are no longer my friends, I have very few family members left with any time for me (a lot of that is my own fault). But these aren't the reasons, I don't think. It's something else I can't put my finger on at all.

To be honest, I'm not afraid of it working, I'm more afraid of it not working and waking up in hospital again with doctors who, frankly, have better things to do then deal with my attempts to kill myself. So I hope it works.

Thanks for listening.

jtts
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